Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
