I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
