I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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