If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
