her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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