Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
