Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
