apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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