I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
