I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
