You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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