he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We left the knife in your bed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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