Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
