I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
