At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
