I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
