i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
