I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
