My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
