There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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