Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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