I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
