New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
