Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
