I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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