Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
