Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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