toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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