Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
