I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
