R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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