This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nicole vs. Life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
