Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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