WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
