I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
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it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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