question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
