Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
