I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
