ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
