He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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