My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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