I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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