I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!