I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.