some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs