I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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