I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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