miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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