I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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