im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
