If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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