Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
