K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
