Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can't special order awesome
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
