go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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