It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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