I got chris browned last night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
