Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
