everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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