I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
