Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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