based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
