Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
bring money and cleavage
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
