I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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